short and tweet.

luckily, i still have all of my fingers.

my tunes.

yeah, so i know that it's been a blizzard of ennui up in here over the past few days. that's what happens when nablopomo falls in the middle of my cycle of self pity.

i'm going to try and make an effort to be more positive for the rest of november, if not longer (you know, like, forever) ... but first i want to share with you one of my favourite songs.

this song, beauty by shaye, makes me cry and feel better all at the same time ... it reminds me of the brave things i have done in my life ... and i'm sure that my neighbours really enjoy the fact that i have played it (and possibly sung along ... loudly) at least 3 times a night for the past 2 weeks.

the only version on youtube (a live performance from a tsunami relief concert) doesn't do it justice, so you'll have to click here to see the video ... or just enjoy the lyrics.

so you've come to this bridge

in an unfamiliar land

you know it's a bridge you are going to walk on

and the only thing you know is

everything you know

will do you no good from here on

and the day that you spin

from your little cocoon

well, you can't be prepared

for the beauty you'll find there

and you will find beauty

in the toughest of places

and I will be thinking of you out there

so pick up your bags

look around at your friends

and you know none of them

would ever have enough strength

to cross the bridge and lose control

i never felt this bold

never felt this good

and the day that you spin

from your little cocoon

well, you can't be prepared

for the beauty you'll find there

and you will find beauty

in the toughest of places

and I will be thinking of you

stay true to your nomad skies

keep your eyes out for coyotes

a thousand secrets are lost

in the archival dust

so lay your ears upon the tracks

one day you will come back

with wrinkled hands and grey hair

and there you will stand on the spot

and you'll marvel how the place is still the same

though you are somebody else now

fly on butterfly

and the day that you spin

from your little cocoon

well, you can't be prepared

for the beauty you'll find there

and you will find beauty

in the toughest of places

and I will be thinking of you out there

loose change.

i feel the need for change.

i fear i don't have the energy to make it happen ... but, at the same time, i fear that, once again, change will happen to me instead of being my decision.

and i am so fucking sick of that.

over the past 6 years, the major changes in my life have not been my choices ... i feel like i've been riding a rollercoaster in the dark ... and it wears on a person. it makes you distrustful and suspicious and anxious and tired ... and wish for the life you could have had if you had just made the choice to do something.

i need to make the choice to stop wishing and do something.

a whole lotta nothin'.

that's what i've accomplished today ... a whole lotta nothin' ... and it was fabulous.

truly lazy weekends have been few and far between lately. i really needed to unwind and spend some quality time with my couch and some bad tv ... and not think about work.

i think about work too much ... i check my work email at night and on the weekends ... i worry about the week ahead and fret about the week gone by. i think about work too much.

lately, i have come to the conclusion that what i do has become too much of what i am.

somehow, my life has become my job and my parents, with a few lovely little sprinkles of friends. and when things start going wrong ... like my mom's condition and the increased stress at work ... it feels like my whole life is falling apart.

and, for the past few weeks, that's exactly how i have felt.

so, it seems i have some serious thinking to do and some changes to make ... but not this weekend, because this weekend i'm enjoying doing a whole lotta nothin'.

a picture says 1,000 (bad) words.

view on black

yes, that is snow.

that is what we woke up to in halifax this morning.

and that is all i have to say about that.

random eggs of vandalism.

my car got egged last night.

seriously.

i was driving through stewiacke on my way to truro and heard a bang ... but it was a dark rural road (i was on the old highway, not the 102) my car was still running and there were no sirens, so i kept going.

and, yes, i realize that could be the opening scene to a bad teen horror flick ... i know what you did last november.

i checked the passenger side for damage when i got to andrea's, but nothing ... no dents, no dings, no body parts hanging from the door handles. keep in mind, it was dark out ... and i am, apparently, unobservant.

i got back to the city around 11pm ... luckily, i didn't have to go to the pub at 1am after all (i may have danced and sang and waved my hands in the air when i got that news), so me and my rampaging digestive system (yes, still ... urgh) got to bed at a reasonable hour.

but, with the morning light came the realization that there was goo on my back passenger window ... and that the goo was egg. lots of splattered (i was going 80km/hour when it hit me ... which, when you think of it, is pretty impressive egg throwing) egg goo. yuck.

on andrea's suggestion, after getting over the ridiculousness of being egged twice in one week, i called the rcmp and made a report of vandalism. it turns out that there has been an egging spree in stewiacke this week ... even the rcmp office got hit.

i guess that whole "hugs not drugs, groceries not guns" campaign worked too well.

working 9 to sometime.

it's an early post today ... because by the time i get back to my couch and computer again it will be tomorrow.

i will soon be off to the office, where i will hang out for 8 hours or so.

after work, i'll be on the road to truro ... i'll visit with andrea for a bit, and then we are helping out some of my volunteers with a fundraiser. then i hope to visit with andrea for a while longer ... at least until she decides it's time to sleep and she kicks me out of her house.

then it'll be back to halifax ... but, sadly, not home to bed. i'll have to stop at a local pub for a raffle draw they are having on our behalf ... at 1am.

i'm tired just thinking about it.

but, the good side (see, i can be positive!) of this long-ass day ... i will soon have enough overtime hours banked to take an entire 2 weeks off at christmas, plus a couple of extra long weekends after the insanity is through.

that would be in 19 days or so, in case you're counting ... like i am!